


Anathema

by the_albatross



Series: Caught In The Maelstrom [2]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, you decide if this ends in a throuple or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 16:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18034748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_albatross/pseuds/the_albatross
Summary: The sequel to 'She Doesn't Know'. Here's what follows Courtney's visit to Willam and Alaska's office.





	Anathema

**Author's Note:**

> so if it's not obvious by now, i don't like leaving stories on an unhappy note so i kinda fixed how i left it in 'She Doesn't Know.' totally up to you if you want to read the ending as a couple or beginning of a throuple. i couldn't really decide myself so it's up to your personal preference.
> 
> here's what i have planned/am currently working on for future stories - something with a nymph Raja that should be posted in like 2-3 weeks cause it's almost done except for a few more tweaks, the Shinkx and Trixya dates from 'The Language of Flowers', the third and final (i mean it this time) installment of Rajalaskam, Pharon, Phianca, Biadore, and Willaska (will be a two parter).

Almost immediately after arriving home following her unexpected visit to Willam and Alaska's office, Courtney broke down in tears over everything that had happen, everything she had done. Her shame and misery, desperation and hatred for herself took over until she was a huddled mess in her living room working her way through nearly half a box of tissues. How could she have done that to Willam? He still didn't suspect anything out of the ordinary and it looked like that thought would never cross his mind unless he were slapped in the face with it.

She had been so wrong about his and Alaska's relationship that it made her feel physically ill. There was truly nothing going on between them except a mutual expression of care and concern for the other's well-being yet she allowed her fears to override her rational thought until... _that_ happened. Until Aaron happened.

And what was _his_ excuse?

Knowing everything about Alaska and Willam now made her question his part in all of this. It really seemed like he had known all along that there was nothing illicit between his wife and her husband...He simply played on her fears and suspicions in order to get what he wanted. Did he even love Alaska? He certainly had very little care for her.

'It doesn't matter,' she told herself. 'I'm done with him.'

To prove it to herself she drew out her phone and deleted every trace of him from her contacts, messages, and call history. Any evidence that she talked with him outside of their couples date nights was erased from her phone's memory. The final thing was to destroy the business card still left in her pocket book. For that she merely lit a match and watched the small bit of paper burn in the sink until there wasn't a trace of it left but some ashes that were soon to be washed into the drain.

It all felt very liberating...for about 30 seconds. Her stomach still twisted with the thought of him and Alaska and how she betrayed Willam's trust...their marriage...everything about their relationship. How could she ever tell him what happened? How could she bring herself to break his heart like that?

She knew she had to yet every time the opportunity presented itself she found herself shaking with fear. She never wanted to hurt him and this? This was likely to destroy him. All of his little actions, little behaviors that he displayed only for her proved just how much he loved her. From the way he'd remain ever vigilant as they walked down the street for anything that might be even remotely dangerous or simply just inconvenient like standing water in their path. How he'd surprise her with little gifts every now and then because something caught his eye at the shop and made him think of her...how he'd pull her carefully into his arms, relax his body into hers for a brief moment to take in every feeling, sight, sound, and smell of her like he was preserving the moment...then kissing her temple and whispering 'I love you' just loud enough for her alone to hear.

How could she ever confess that she had done something so appalling to someone who cared so deeply about her? Who always had?

She couldn't.

She could never bring herself to crush his spirit like that...So she kept her silence and pushed aside all of the twisting in her stomach, the pounding of her heart, and growing voices of alarm in her head.

It was some relief that Aaron seemed to feel no inclination to try to reach out to her as well. But then again, he never had before unless they were alone together. She was dreading when they would meet in person again but their first instance proved very unremarkable. Though she made sure never to be far from her husband's side, Aaron had no interest in her beyond what was required to be polite. He addressed her only when necessary and never tried to seek her out on her own. It irked her a little bit that he had so little guilt over this but then again, when did he ever show concern for Alaska's feelings? All of this was very typical behavior for him.

Yet still Courtney found herself feeling something close to pity for the younger blonde. Pity, shamefulness, and strangely enough longing...Longing for her to find someone better...Now that Courtney had finally realized she was not after her husband, she could finally see Alaska's charm and why Willam was so taken with her. She was bright and bubbly, unassuming and kind. She was always so considerate; offering to help clean up after their meal whenever she came over to their house, even lending movies or books she thought either the older blonde or Willam might be interested in. How did Aaron ever manage to catch someone as sweet and thoughtful as that?

She was almost kind to a fault and maybe that blinded her to Aaron's behaviors?

That was Courtney's thought for the longest time but within just three weeks of her ending all contact with Aaron outside of date night, she began to rethink that opinion. It shouldn't have been anything that caught her attention, in fact if she hadn't already been the one to engage in an extramarital affair she probably wouldn't have noticed at first, but all of sudden Aaron's presence seemed to drop unceremoniously from their group. At first he would pull away after just an hour or so citing that something had come up he needed to take care of and then he'd excuse himself for the rest of the evening. Alaska had brushed it off, keeping her attention solely on Willam and Courtney but the first instance when he stopped showing up at all seemed to have her a little shaken.

Willam didn't suspect anything it seemed, only asking with some concern if he was alright as Aaron had never missed one of their regular dates ever since they started this all those months ago. Alaska was startled by the question, her fingers twitching noticeably as she tried to think of an excuse for her husband's absence. She went with the old classic of, "He's still at office...Something came up for work, I guess."

This pattern repeated itself until by the fourth instance, Willam finally caught on and stopped commenting about the situation entirely. Courtney could see the young blonde's discomfort and she herself had little doubt as to what Aaron was actually doing while he was away. She was struck by how blatantly obvious he was being; even when they were sneaking around together they had hid their tracks better than that.

Maybe he just stopped caring about subtly entirely?

Again, Courtney found herself touched by Alaska's situation. The young woman at the very least seemed to suspect what Aaron was doing yet she still covered for him, still made excuses and kept a brave and happy smile on her face. It left Courtney in awe of her personal strength. However, that strength was soon broken after just a month of Aaron's all but flaunting of his infidelity.

Courtney had stopped by their office in order to meet them before their usual dinner and movie yet the scene she walked in on quickly made her forget any plans they might have had that night. In the mostly empty and near silent office building it was easy to pick up the soft sniffling coming from the direction of Willam's desk long before it came into view. Courtney wasn't even shocked that it was Alaska crying and certainly didn't spare a concerned glance at Willam's arms wrapped around her waist as she sobbed into his chest.

The young blonde missed the sound of approaching footsteps but Willam caught them almost immediately. His eyes darted to hers with a kind of pained, helpless look. He never was good with handling criers but he seemed to be trying his best with Alaska. However with the sudden appearance of his wife he began to disentangle himself in the hopes that she might take his spot.

Without even a second thought, she found her arms enclosing around the taller woman and pulling her body in close as Alaska clung to her like a lifeline. She had been startled at first to see the darkened patches around Alaska's eyes, her mind jumping to the conclusion that she might have been involved in a physical confrontation but that was short lived as soon as she realized it was only makeup that had been smeared in a useless attempt to wipe away tears.

Once the crying had slowed down, Courtney found herself motioning to Willam find some damp paper towels in the bathroom. Relieved to be able to step away from what had probably been a sudden onslaught of emotion, he scurried off in some random direction and disappeared for the next few minutes. In the time he was gone, Courtney convinced Alaska to sit back against the edge of the desk as she tried to wipe away what she could of the ruined makeup with just the tissues Willam had left laying out. Her progress was impeded by Alaska's sniffling and tragic doe eyes that kept staring up at her but she was at least able to remove some of it.

Before she could stop herself, she found her lips pressed to Alaska's forehead for a short moment before murmuring, "It's going to be okay."

Though the young woman nodded her head, her heart wasn't in it. It was plain to see that she didn't believe anything would be getting better any time soon. Luckily, Willam arrived with the paper towels before either woman found the courage to try saying anything more to one another. Very carefully so as not to irritate the skin further, Courtney wiped away every trace of makeup she could find. It was a bit challenging with no actual remover to use but Courtney felt she did a decent job making Alaska look presentable again. As soon those innocent and distraught eyes were clean once more, Courtney asked softly, "What happened?"

As if she didn't already know.

A panicked expression flashed across Alaska's face as her eyes darted to Willam's for help. A stray tear began to fall down her cheek as he took over the explanation with a hesitant, "Aaron...he...well, he's been, um..."

"I got it," Courtney cut him off firmly. She understood all too well what happened.

"I don't know wh-I can't go back to that house," Alaska whispered as another wave of tears began to rise. Already her breathing was beginning to catch at the mere thought. "I don't want to see him again...I need to find a hotel and-"

"Stay with us," Courtney proposed quickly.

Her guilt was burning deep inside of her but there was more than that that had gone into the invitation. She hated seeing Alaska like this and knew that nothing good would come about if she were left to see Aaron while in this state. At least Courtney and Willam could provide some form of protection while she got herself back together.

Unconvinced by the sudden offer, Alaska's gaze fell back to Willam for confirmation. Without even a moment's hesitation he was already nodding his head with a hopeful look that she'll accept the chance to stay with friends. It really was the best solution to his mind. As far as he knew she didn't really have anyone else that she was close enough with to ask to live with them for an undetermined period of time. A lot of that reason being her job; she had always been so focused on her career it left little opportunity for a social life outside of Aaron until Willam and Courtney came along.

She mused in a pensive silence for a few seconds longer before whispering a very grateful "Thank you."

With that it was decided that she would move in temporarily with Willam and Courtney while she figured out what to do more permanently once things had calmed down. Willam drove to her house with her to pick up the most important necessities while Courtney dashed on home to prepare the spare bedroom for the unexpected guest. Most of the space had already been made up, all that was really left to do was lay out fresh sheets and move a few miscellaneous items into the storage closet. By the time Courtney had started working a hot meal for them, Willam and Alaska arrived in a near silence.

Despite how often she had been in their house, Alaska was showing an unusual amount of discomfort as Willam helped her to get settled in. She was awkward and clumsy as she unpacked only what was absolutely needed on a daily basis and left quite a few bags of clothes untouched and tucked away as if she were ready to bolt at a moment's notice. Compared to the sporadic weeping at the office, she was disturbingly quiet now that they were in a more private space. It seemed like the shock of her situation was starting to set in.

Their dinner was filled with an uneasy silence as Courtney and Willam traded concerned glances with one another and towards her. As for Alaska, her eyes remained steadily focused on her plate, all too aware that the couple was watching her as she slowly picked at her food. After one more session of broken tears, Alaska decided to call it a night and left to retire to the guest bedroom.

As she disappeared into the house, Courtney noticed Willam's sympathetic gaze following her until she was well out of sight. Running a soothing hand across his thigh, she promised in a hushed tone, "It'll get better."

"I know," he conceded reluctantly, "But why'd it have to be her? She'd never hurt anyone...She doesn't deserve this."

"No," Courtney agreed as her throat constricted tensely, "She doesn't."

********

The next few days were somewhat better; Alaska became more talkative but there was always a heavy cloud of misery that clung to her, particularly while in the house. She'd never seemed to feel out of place in their home before yet now she was acting as if the slightest touch would damage or taint anything they owned. She hardly dared to do anything that she felt would create a burden on them, whether it be eating food she hadn't bought herself, powering her electronics, even something as small as a quick shower. It was as though she was trying her best to minimize her presence in their lives but all it did was make them even more concerned about her.

It was on the afternoon of their fourth day together that the doorbell had rung unexpectedly. Willam was trying to convince Alaska that they ought to go out for a little fun that night, something simple like a movie but she so hesitant even just to leave the room, much less the house. She was withdrawing further and further in on herself but the couple was determined not to let it reach a point of complete social isolation. That was the last thing she needed right now; to be completely cut off from everything other than work. A Saturday night spent with close friends and no responsibilities should have been a welcomed distraction for her.

While Willam was gently trying to cajole her into the experience, Courtney excused herself to answer the door before too much time had passed. It was probably just some package being delivered but just in case it were a neighbor she didn't want to risk annoying them by dawdling for minutes on end fighting an uphill struggle. It was like a wave of freezing water thrown directly at her face when she saw an all too familiar figure standing on the other side of the screen door.

Aaron's lips curled upwards into a slightly mocking smirk almost as soon hers formed into a scowl. None too pleasantly, she crossed her arms as she stood behind the door and demanded, "What do you want?"

Falling back into his falsely charming persona, he replied far too calmly, "I'm dropping this off...for Alaska."

Courtney's eyes fell to the box he tapped with his foot as a small jolt of fear shot through her heart. How had he known she was here? Alaska wouldn't have told him...right?

Almost as if he had read her mind, his head cocked to the side as he stated smugly, "Her car's in your driveway. Doesn't take a genius to know she's here."

"Took you four days," she shot back defiantly.

"More like four seconds..." he corrected her with his usual tone of arrogance. "After I noticed she was gone, of course. Hadn't really questioned it at first...She always did spend so much time in the office working odd hours but you knew that already, didn't you?"

Humiliation washed through Courtney as her cheeks flushed in shame. She could feel the slight prick of tears beginning to sting her eyes but she bit them back to declare firmly, "You're not coming in here."

"Already have," he taunted as his smirk grew absolutely shameless. If it were ever in question before, it was now absolutely clear that he didn't have a care for anyone other than himself. All he wanted was to be in control and humiliating these two women at any chance he got was nothing more than a game to him.

But just as smoothly as that smirk appeared, it quickly dissolved into a bored expression as he pulled out his phone and glanced at the clock. Sounding entirely apathetic to the situation at hand, he stated with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "Listen, I have other errands to run today; this is just a quick stop. Give her the folder in the box at least, will you? Tell her our appointment is next Tuesday at 4. The address is on the card."

The sound of footsteps, heavy and certainly Willam's, echoed close behind her as Aaron turned around with a small wave of the hand and called out absently, "See you around."

He was almost to his car by the time Willam reached Courtney. His arms encircled her waist protectively as they watched Aaron pull away from the curb and drive off down their street to god knows where. Courtney could feel Willam's body shaking with anger and could only imagine the hateful glare that he must have been wearing as Aaron disappeared from their property.

Once they were sure he was out of sight, Courtney slipped away from his embrace in order to investigate the rather small box Aaron had left at their doorstep. Unfolding the loose flaps, Courtney found the aforementioned folder and was hardly surprised to see the logo of well-known lawyer's office plastered across the front. Shaking her head, she re-closed the box and brought it into the house. Very reluctantly, she took it straight to Alaska who gave a heavy, beaten sigh once she read the name as well.

She flipped through the contents, pulling out the business card for later, and tossed the rest aside for the time being once she became sick of reading all of the legal jargon. As she rummaged through the rest of the box, Courtney felt Willam's arms wrapping around her midsection once more while Alaska silently investigated the rest of her belongings Aaron had dropped off. One particular item caught Courtney's interest; it was a stuffed bear, not very big and certainly not very distinct either. Alaska herself paused as she came to the toy; staring at it sadly as a hint of a tear began rolling down her cheek. At once Courtney was rushing to her side with the tissue box from the nightstand so that she might be ready to console the younger woman in case she broke down yet again.

Courtney was pretty much expecting that reaction at this point but to her surprise, Alaska just brushed back the tear, crammed everything back into the box and forced as much of a smile back onto her face as she could. There was an undeniable tone of bittersweet happiness in her voice as she asked, "What movie were you thinking of seeing tonight?"

******

Following the unwelcomed visit from her soon-to-be ex-husband, Alaska's demeanor went through a noticeable change. On the outside she was much more vibrant than she had been in the past few days, almost like her previous bubbly old self again. Yet more than once Courtney heard the soft sniffling that echoed from her room, particularly if she thought the house were empty or everyone was asleep. Twice when Alaska had left the door cracked, Courtney found her crying as she hugged the stuffed toy close to her chest. Just seeing that image once was enough to tear Courtney's heart to shreds.

She didn't dare bring up what she had seen with the younger woman, not when those moments had looked so private. So she simply did her best to offer support when she could while Alaska tried to get her life back together, one small piece at a time. About a week after first seeing Alaska crying over the bear, Courtney found herself out shopping at a few boutiques in the hopes of finding some new clothes for the summer. She was about 3 hours into her excursion when her eye was caught by something in an open storefront. Normally, she wouldn't pay the novelty shop any special attention but a certain stuffed animal in the display urged her to step inside for a minute to investigate. It wasn't hard to find the section with the advertised toy and with scarcely a second thought, Courtney found herself purchasing a medium sized unicorn in the hopes that just maybe it might make Alaska's day a little bit brighter.

She wasn't entirely sure why her mind flashed to the younger woman once she saw the toy but something in her heart told her that this just might be the perfect thing to get her to smile today. As soon as she arrived home she dumped all of her new clothes by the washing machine then ran off with the toy in tow to Alaska's room. Knocking softly on the door, Courtney waited until she heard a call of approval to enter before pushing her way inside. Still sitting on the bed, Alaska looked to have been clutching the bear tight to her body once again but thankfully the tears had not begun to fall yet. The whole scene just made Alaska look so much younger and more vulnerable than should have been fair for her. She looked much like a little girl crying over the fact that her best friend was about to move away or just had a particularly embarrassing day in front of her classmates. Again Courtney's heart ached at the sight and she prayed this small gift would take away at least a little bit of the pain for the young blonde.

"Um, hey Alaska..." she began with a nervous smile. "I saw this while I was out and thought of you..."

She withdrew the toy from behind her back and awkwardly held it out to the woman in question. It felt a bit odd presenting someone only a few years younger than herself with a stuffed unicorn yet somehow it just seemed perfectly suited for the time being. Alaska's eyes had grown wide at the sight of the toy and with little care for the other animal, she tossed the bear aside in order to take the unicorn into her arms instead.

Feeling her face heating up at the situation, Courtney explained quietly, "I wasn't sure if you'd like it but-"

"I love it," Alaska assured her with a bright smile. For one of the rare instances since this whole thing began just a few weeks ago, Alaska sounded genuinely delighted. Her eyes had grown soft as she gazed down at the new toy in her hands almost as if she had been presented with a living unicorn rather than a manufactured version.

"Thank you," she whispered gratefully as she looked up to Courtney as though she were an angel on earth.

"It's not a big deal," Courtney replied humbly as she ran a hand across her arm. "I saw you with the bear and...I just wanted to give you something that'd make you a little happier...at least for a little while."

With that statement Alaska's smile fell just a tad and her eyes darted back to the discarded toy. She stared at it for half a minute before declaring with soft but heavy voice, "I hate this bear."

Shocked, Courtney's eyes blew wide open as a thought flashed through her mind. With an air of caution in her tone, she asked gently, "Did he get that...?"

Shaking her head, Alaska explained guiltily, "No...I did. I bought it myself about a week before we...There's a camera inside one of the eyes...it links to my phone..."

All of a sudden a cold wave of realization washed over Courtney as she inquired through a growing lump in her throat, "Like...Like a nanny cam?"

"Yeah," Alaska confirmed in what was just barely a whisper. "I told him...I just thought the bear was cute...I put it in our bedroom...He figured it out right away...Didn't even try to hide what he was doing...Made a show of it actually. He'd look directly at it as he...well, you know the rest."

Courtney forced down a thick swallow as she nodded her head in understanding. She felt close to tears herself, both for what she had done with Alaska's husband and for the young woman's situation itself. She had no idea Alaska had actually _seen_ Aaron with those women. Though she wasn't nearly as surprised as she should have been with the knowledge that Aaron knew exactly what she was up to when she brought the camera into their house. But the fact that he could be so heartless and uncaring towards someone like Alaska was far more disturbing in her mind.

Deciding now was the time to come clean, Courtney bit her lip until she worked up the courage to say, "Alaska...I'm not-I mean..."

It was killing her inside the way Alaska was looking at her but she had to let her know what she had done. It was about the only decent thing Courtney could do after all this time; telling Alaska herself...But that didn't make this any easier. Her eyes were welling up with tears to the point they were almost spilling out as she admitted in a broken voice, "If you had put that camera up three months ago...you would have seen-"

"You..." Alaska finished sadly. "I know already."

Stunned, Courtney sputtered out "H-How?" as the tears finally broke free.

Bringing an unusually careful hand up to brush away the fallen drops from Courtney's cheeks, Alaska stated, "We have a security camera outside our house...It's motion activated and when it's tripped, it'll start a live feed to mine and Aaron's phones...I saw you coming over a few times...That's what prompted me to put a camera inside the house...I kind of suspected what he was doing for awhile but I didn't want to-I didn't want to be right but...I had to know."

Courtney simply couldn't believe Alaska was real at this point. She wasn't yelling or screaming or trying to attack Courtney. She was still just the same sweet and kind woman she'd always been even though she knew what Courtney had done. Her stomach and heart felt like it had dropped from her body as her mouth hung open in disbelief. She almost wanted Alaska to be more upset; she had every right to be but instead it looked like she had just...given up. Courtney didn't know what was more heartbreaking; that Alaska seemed so used to this or that she had known all of this and still moved in with her husband's former mistress. That she still treated her with the same level of kindness that she had been long before she knew about the affair.

"I'm so sorry," Courtney sobbed out as everything finally became too much for her. Nothing about that phrase felt like it would ever be enough...Nothing she wanted to say, to apologize to Alaska with felt like it come close to how utterly ashamed and remorseful she was. It was like another stab to her heart when Alaska pulled her into her arms while Courtney cried her eyes out into the younger woman's shoulder.

"It's okay," Alaska assured her in a hushed tone. "You weren't the first..."

That just killed Courtney completely to hear.

For several minutes she bawled in Alaska's hold until she finally felt so drained she could hardly stand to move any more. How could Alaska be this sympathetic towards her? She had shown nothing but strength and resiliency through the entire ordeal; if anyone should have broken down like this, it should have been her. Yet here she was comforting Courtney as her shame washed through her and not once did Alaska say or do anything to show she was angry with Courtney despite how she was just as much to blame for the affair as Aaron was.

For what seemed to be the millionth time, Courtney apologized in a cracking voice, "I'm sorry."

Alaska's eyes showed nothing but sincerity as she replied, "I know...I've already forgiven you...I just...I want to know why."

If it would have been possible, Courtney likely would have broken down again at that point but her body just couldn't take another round of such powerful sobbing. She stared tragically at the younger woman as a second flood of shame filled her heart while she confessed, "I thought...Willam was sleeping with _you_."

"Oh, Court," Alaska murmured in disbelief. "He loves you! He'd never do anything like that."

"I know!" Courtney all but shouted in hatred for herself a fresh slew of tears dripped down her cheeks. "He...He'd never even think of it but I just got so jealous of you two and then Aaron came along and he-"

"I think I get it," Alaska interrupted quietly. Sounding so beaten and used to the knowledge, she confirmed, "He always was good at knowing which buttons to push and when...He could get most people to do anything he wanted by prodding them in just the right way and often enough."

"I'm so sorry," Courtney repeated again.

Alaska let out a heavy sigh and forced a pained but forgiving smile to her lips as she spoke, "I know, Courtney. We'll be okay...I promise."

In utter disbelief, Courtney croaked out, "How are you even real?"

Her tone was defeated and reluctant as she stated, "I've had a long time to come to terms with this..."

Shaking her head, the older blonde asserted, "You shouldn't have had to...You deserve so much better than this. I mean it... You deserve someone like Willam...so much more than I do."

The statement seemed to shock the younger woman. Her hand ran awkwardly over her thigh as her eyes darted to bedspread below them. Her voice was soft and timid as she said, "You really should tell him. I'm not trying to-I don't want you two to break up but...I think you should tell him before Aaron does. I really wouldn't put it past him. If he thinks it'll hurt me...he'd probably do it."

"You're right," Courtney admitted. But how could she force herself to break Willam's heart with her confession? How could she knowingly crush the man she loved?

*******

That same night Courtney resolved to finally tell Willam all that had happened between her and Aaron. The thought terrified her more than anything but she knew she had to go through with it before he found out any other way. And the more she thought about it, the more Courtney realized that Alaska was right; Aaron probably would tell Willam just to hurt them all. For now he might not seem that invested in the situation but that could easily change once the divorce proceedings begin.

It was now or never.

Courtney had held her tongue on the subject for most of the night. Alaska knew she intended to confess everything to Willam and excused herself from the house for a few hours while she did so. Courtney appreciated that effort more than she'd ever say. Perhaps if they were truly alone it might make things easier...but still the tossing and turning in her stomach would not abate. She could barely finish even half of her dinner, something Willam quickly took notice of after she had been picking at her food for almost a full five minutes.

"Court, sweetie," he began gently, "Is something wrong? Are you feeling alright?"

The concern in his voice was like a shot to her heart and nearly made her want to back out of her confession entirely but she knew she _had_ to do this. Forcing every bit of strength she had into maintaining eye contact, she replied, "Actually, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

Alarmed, Willam pushed himself away from his seat to rush to Courtney's side and take her hand into his own. His head tilted in curiosity as he awaited further explanation from his wife but almost immediately Courtney felt her mouth going dry. Her tongue was heavy and thick in her mouth as she tried to clear the growing fog from her head. The lump in her throat felt like it would soon gag her as she told him, "I did something you need to know about. Something...I completely hate myself for."

Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes as she tried to summon the courage to finish her confession. Willam's free hand rose to cup her cheek as his soft voice encouraged, "Baby, what is it?"

"I-I..."

She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. In an utterly pitiful display, Courtney began crying for the third time that day. The light press of Willam's lips to her forehead only increased the flow like a faucet. He was going to hate her.

She was about to shatter his heart and soul and that thought destroyed her own as well.

"Bill..." she began with a broken voice, "I-I...I slept with...with Aaron."

In an instant after the words passed from her lips Willam withdrew all physical contact from her. As he stepped back to look at her, Courtney could see her worst fears coming to life. His hands shook and his eyes grew dark with confusion, anger, betrayal, and even complete disbelief.

"No," he whispered quietly, "How could-when...we're never-"

"When you were at the office," she admitted in a hoarse voice, "working late."

Like a fragile piece of glass hitting the floor, Courtney would swear she saw his heart breaking right in front of her.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized through skipping breaths. But it was too late.

He was already backing away and running off to their bedroom. Scarcely a second passed before Courtney was out of her seat and following after him as she repeated every word of repent and sorrow that came to mind. Willam paid no attention to her, barely fighting back his own tears as he threw together a duffel bag with some of his belongings. She begged him not to leave, even grabbing onto his hand as she tried to convince him to stay but he was insistent.

"Court, I...I need to leave," he explained distractedly as though he were in state of panic. "I-I don't know how long but I can't...I can't be here."

"Willam, please," she pleaded with him as he pulled his hand from hers and continued to the front door with his keys in hand. "Don't go."

"I'm sorry, I just...I need to think about this."

Those were the last words he spoke to her before finally breaking free and forcing himself out the door. Her body felt cold and battered as she watched his car disappear from sight until even the headlights couldn't be seen anymore. Her eyes stung from the onslaught of tears but she couldn't bring them to stop. Her entire world had just been torn from her and it was by her own doing. She had no clue where he would go or if he would ever come back. All she could bring herself to do was drag her body back to their bedroom.

Time had a way of slipping by as she sat on their bed in mixed state of overwhelming shock and distress. She hadn't heard anyone entering the house much less her bedroom until a pair of soft footsteps ended their path right in front of her. With her eyes still burning and blurry from the unprecedented amount of tears that had fallen that night, she could just make out Alaska's silhouette standing before her.

She seemed at a loss for what to say at first. When her voice finally broke free, she sounded on the verge of crying herself as she whispered, "Court...I'm so sorry...I didn't want that-I should-"

She was starting to back away in shame, whether it be for a short while or for much longer Courtney had no clue but she knew she couldn't handle another person leaving. Her hand shot out in desperation and grasped onto Alaska's trembling one with a vice-like grip. The voice she spoke with was tragic and heartbroken as she begged, "Please...don't leave. Not right now."

There was a painful moment of pause before Alaska forced back a heavy swallow and nodded her head in agreement. Her body became entirely compliant as she allowed Courtney to pull her onto the bed and beneath the covers. They hardly spoke a word as they made themselves comfortable and the young blonde pulled the elder into her arms. For the life of her, Courtney could not convince her hold on Alaska to loosen once she felt that much needed warmth wrap around her. She clung to the young woman in a way she never had done with anyone other than Willam...but right now she needed a stable body next to her more than anything.

Her mind was drained and sleep rapidly approaching. She couldn't stave it off any longer even if she wanted to. One of the last sounds she heard that night was a regretful apology of "I'm so sorry."

She was barely conscious at this point but somehow she was able to convince her lips to reaffirm, "It's not your fault...It's mine. All mine."

With that she succumbed to a fitful sleep that lasted thankfully until the next morning. To her utter relief, Alaska remained by her side throughout the night. It hardly seemed like they had moved even an inch from where they originally laid down. The only difference Courtney noticed was that perhaps they had moved even closer together at some point. When she had awoken, she found her head nestled firmly into the crook of Alaska's neck. She was so close she could still smell whatever scented lotion or body wash the younger woman had used the previous day. But there wasn't much time to think about that now. They had to get ready for work.

Being out of the house that day was a welcome distraction but her mind would always wander back to Willam. She received a text from Alaska informing her that he had shown up at the office but aside from that he absolutely refused to talk about what happened. Courtney almost broke down again with that information but she was able to contain her grief until she was in the privacy of her own home. Almost timidly, Alaska arrived at her bedroom door before long in order to check up on her. Much like the previous night, she agreed to sleep with the older woman with very little argument on the subject. By the end of the fifth night of this cycle they both stopped pretending she would be sleeping anywhere else.

It was comfortable and familiar for Courtney to have another body to cling to at night even if Alaska's was of an entirely different shape than what she used to. The younger woman was just so warm and inviting, it was exactly what she needed in order not to dwell on her own misery for too long. And every night their final words to each other would always be the same; "I'm sorry" and "It's not your fault."

Just once Alaska placed a light kiss to Courtney's forehead but the action quickly brought tears to Courtney's eyes as she remembered all of the times Willam had done the same thing so the young blonde never dared to try and repeat that again. Instead she did her best to provide updates on Willam's status. By some luck of the gods, he was still speaking with her even knowing she was likely to tell Courtney everything they discussed to a certain degree. Through Alaska she learned he had slept over at an old friend's house the first two nights then switched to a hotel for the time being. He bought a few extra clothes and toiletries but he gave no comment as to how long he might stay there. At least he seemed to be okay and functioning for the most part.

After every update Courtney thanked the young blonde and grew quite pensive about the information for most of the night. She ached to see him again, to talk to him, but she understood very well that if she sought him out she was likely to push him further away. Instead she would simply ask Alaska to tell him that she was sorry and that she loved him. There was so much more she wanted to express but it wouldn't be right asking a third party to relay those emotions. It should only be done in person...If she ever gets to see him again.

This routine continued on for nearly two weeks. Courtney became reluctantly used to it but one night after she had fallen asleep in Alaska's arms, she was awoken again by some unknown source. Everything was quiet as she was stirred into consciousness; a quick glance to Alaska's limp frame confirmed she was still fast asleep so Courtney wondered what could have possibly woken her. Deciding to brush it off as a mystery, she was slowly starting to fall asleep again until she felt the bed covers being lifted up and the mattress dipping down ever so carefully. Her heart felt like it would soon break free from her chest as she turned herself around in Alaska's grasp in order to come face to face with her husband.

For the life of her she couldn't stop the tears from welling in her eyes as she recognized his figure climbing into the bed beside her. Almost immediately after he settled in she found herself latching onto him and burying her head against his chest as she started to sob out everything she had wanted to say to him after his departure. To her surprise, he quickly hushed her with a soft, "Shh, I'm here. We'll talk in the morning...Don't want to wake Alaska, alright?"

Instantly her barrage of an apology stopped and she nodded her head in agreement. Nothing however could be done to lessen the flow of tears once they had begun falling. Courtney felt his hand slowly making its way up to her cheek to brush aside any tear that dared to fall. After a few minutes, they finally relented and Courtney felt his lips pressed to her forehead once more.

"We'll figure this out," he murmured in a quiet promise.

Again she nodded her head and allowed sleep to overtake her for the time being. It felt so right to have his arms wrapped around her again...even as a second dozing body laid so close beside them.

The following morning the entire situation seemed like nothing but a dream. To her shock and dismay it was only her and Alaska left in bed. Unlike how she usually awoke, she was still turned away from the younger woman as if Willam _had_ come back during the night. She was just about to start crying again until she took notice of the very faint hint of his deodorant still clinging to the sheets. Pushing herself up from the bed, she glanced around the room and found his previously missing duffel bag left laying close to the door frame.

Unable to contain herself, she darted away from her bedroom and dashed off to the kitchen. Standing over the Keurig was Willam drinking his first cup of coffee for the day. Wasting no time, Courtney bolted across the room and into his arms almost knocking him into the edge of the counter in the process. The sudden attack took him by surprise and very quickly he extended his mug out of reach before the contents could splash over the lip.

"Careful," he warned in a whisper. "It's still hot. Don't want you to get burned."

But Courtney couldn't care less if that had happened. She was just so overwhelmed to see him again.

He took one long sip from his mug before setting it down and guiding them both to the couch in the living room. He understood more than anything that he'd get no peace until Courtney was able to talk with him like he had promised the previous night. If speaking with Alaska the past few days were any indication, she was even more miserable than he was and absolutely dying to make this right with him.

Before they were even seated, Courtney was already continuing her apology from last night. Every word that spilled from her mouth was the utter truth about how sorry and remorseful she was for what had happened. Willam listened patiently in silence until it felt like half the morning had passed with him just listening to her between further fits of tears and a cracking voice. When she finally ran out of things to say, her eyes were red and swollen once again as she waited anxiously for him to begin speaking.

He mused over everything she had told him for the longest time, his heart pounding away much like it had been for the past two weeks whenever he thought about the situation...and thinking about it seemed to be all he could do. She seemed to genuinely regret everything that she had and some of what Alaska had mentioned helped him to understand how everything developed but still, he had to hear it from her. He had to know, "Why?"

Courtney felt her lip trembling. She knew that question was coming and dreaded having to tell him of her very misguided suspicions.

In a heavy, sullen voice she explained, "I was...jealous. You and Alaska...you had so much in common, got along so well. And the way you looked at each other...I thought you two were...sleeping together. I tried to ignore it but whenever we would all hang out together, it was like you only had eyes for her. And then Aaron...he saw it right away, what I was thinking. He kept making comments about it...prodding me...so I thought it was true. That you were cheating on me. He never denied it. He-"

"Fanned the flame," Willam finished knowingly.

"Yeah," she agreed timidly as her voice began to catch again. "It's not an excuse but that's how it happened...because I was jealous and couldn't believe that someone could be as sweet and kind and amazing as you and Alaska without there being something else going on...I'm so sorry Willam. Both of you deserve better than who you married."

Willam mused over the explanation for only a few seconds before giving a soft sigh of "Baby...come here."

Immediately accepting the invitation, Courtney buried herself in his arms and pushed their bodies as close together as she could manage. She was very nearly sitting in his lap as she heard him admit, "You weren't...entirely wrong. There was something a little more between me and Alaska but we never acted on it. We never even kissed...We talked about it at one point and agreed to try and ignore it but I guess...it still came through when we were together."

Pressing a light kiss to her temple, he murmured sincerely, "I'm sorry, Court."

Shaking her head, she argued, "But you still didn't do anything wrong. I didn't even _like_ Aaron and I...I'm the fuck up, not you. I can't even fault you for it being Alaska...she's almost perfect."

"She is," he agreed readily, "and so are you. Even with what happened. You're still the best person I know. Don't worry, we'll get through this. I promise. I'm not giving up if you aren't."

Finally feeling a smile tugging on her lips for what felt to be the first time in forever, she stated definitively, "Not a chance."

The next hour was spent with the pair of them lounging in each others arms unwilling to move from the other's side after having spent so long apart. A few more brief words were exchanged but most of their time was spent together in silence. Finally around mid-morning, Alaska awoke and wandered into the living room. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, a hopeful smile graced her lips as she asked cautiously, "Are you two...gonna be okay?"

Glancing down towards his wife, Willam smiled brightly and replied, "We will be."

A relieved sigh escaped from Alaska but all too quickly her demeanor changed into a much more anxious one. Biting her lower lip for a moment, she informed them, "I was thinking...I should probably get ready to move out. You two need to-"

"No," Courtney interrupted firmly. "Stay. With us."

Alaska let out a soft gasp as her body shook with a sudden wave of nerves. Willam motioned for her to join them on the couch and despite a heavy degree of hesitance, she eventually sat down beside them. Darting her eyes to the cushion below them, she asked carefully, "For how long?"

Again Courtney and Willam's eyes met and with a small nod of his head as approval, Courtney pressed a gentle kiss to Alaska's cheek and promised, "For as long as you want."


End file.
